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My Live, my Mind, my Absurdity.

let see how far i float in this wold..


Friend behind the door
shhhss...
nyokie2pp

Knock, knock, knock…

She knocks on the wooden door,
No one answered the door,

The bell chimes, once then twice
But the echo haunts the empty halls

She whispered, said, and then shouts the name
No one went outside

She fall down and the tears started to stream down her porcelain face

“Hello… somebody, please anybody…”

A stranger passed, stop.
“Are you alright?”
“Nobody home…”

“Do you knock on the door?”
“Twice…”

“Ring the bell?”
“All the time…”

“Calling out?”
“I even shout the name…”

 
“Nobody homes.”
“They are here, I already check…”
The stranger nod, then stared down the hall
There a hundred of door facing each other

“How about... you tried knocking on that door”
Pointing a door across the hall
“Huh?”

The Girl stared at the Stranger, confused.

“Maybe you knock on the wrong door”
“They lived here, I’ve been here before”

She starts to cry again.
Silent…

“So… knock on the other door”
“What’s for?”

“Maybe someone answer you this time”
“Well, I don’t know them,”

“Do you know who live behind this door then?”

Point at the door in the front of the girl

“Yes, a friend”

Silent…

“… I think, you should tried knocking on the other door”

“Why…”
The girl asked the stranger desperately…

“There a hundred and more door in this hall, and there a hundred people live behind it, there should be at least one stranger who will answered the door and asked what do you want, rather than you sit there and weeping for a Friend who obviously don’t want you”
The Stanger turn and walked away.

The Girl sat there for hours

She suddenly got up and walk across the hall
Stand in the front of another door
Raise a hesitant and trembling hand
And,

Knock, knock, knock…..

A moment, then,

“Who’s there?”
Said a voice grumpily
 
“Me…”

Silent.

“What do you want?!”
She smile
“A friend?”
Tags:

Feel Like Home
moi
nyokie2pp
Feel just like home

One day…
In my long absent day for visiting our base camp in student center.
I found that no one there…
So I sat on the chair and stared blankly into our base camp,
Then suddenly, something crossed my mind…
How I miss that place, even if it’s dirty, smells strange, stuffy, small, ugly, and don’t have a good circulation or ventilation for the air.
How I miss the laugh, the stories, the joke, the people, the things I can’t explain, things that I found only in this small room, for this last 2 years.

In this life, sometime…
I lost friends, lost hope, lost faith, I even lost my self…
But somehow at heart I knew I wouldn’t lose this place.
Even for a day, for a week, for a month, and for a year…
In my life time of existence in this small world.

Then…
When I look out the door, the sky turning grey,
And rain starts to fall.
It’s cold breeze sweeping trough my face,
And the scent of cold air lingers in my nostril.
No one here…
But I don’t even feel, that I’m lonely,
Coz I know, when the time comes,
people will start to fill this empty space with their babbling, and it would feel like the children coming home and the mother smiling while waiting in the front of the house with her hand spread open to hug her precious things.



…Then I realize that the feeling is just like I’m coming home…

…Feel just like home…
Tags:

Hold It
insanity groovy
nyokie2pp
Hold it…
Hold it, and hold it tight…
Hold it…

Cause I’m on my edge,
Like I was hanging on 23’rd floor ledge
With my little finger clinging as the pledge

Hold it…

I stretch my arm, holding out my finger
Reaching in the mist of an agonizing chortler
Saving what left of mine from the plumber and poacher

Hold it…

But not like lover walking to the sunset,
It’s just like I’m going to give a birth,
You are the nurse, while the father is out of my life and sight

And hold it tight…

Like our petty world is going to be ended
Because Man is too sin coated
And there will be none to be saved

Hold it…

Sighing, I need no more reasoning,
Or some other fancy story telling,
Actually I just like the feel of hands holding,


So, hold it, hold it, and hold it tight
Hold it, hold it, and hold on my hands tight
Hold it, hold it, and hold my hands tight to make my day bright

Hold my hand, hold it.
Tags:

if
pain t me over
nyokie2pp
Just wondering,
What will they do?
If I fall down then bleed,
If I go and never come back,
If I cried in front of them and reach out,
If I break down and screaming loud,
If I throwing thing and kicking something,
If I show them what I feel and how
What will they do?
I wonder...

Old Saying
pain t me over
nyokie2pp
Thinking and half hoping, that…
One day, once in your grimy live, you woke up happy,
Then you went out, and your life suddenly being snuffs out.

The price for being weary, looking out with wide eyes open,
Got one wrong turns then the next thing you know you are being burn.

Oh the paranoia, afraid that some knife ended in your backs
But maybe that better than ended in your back for some.

Yeah you know the saying, you always know the old saying
“Momma said that life is a bitch”
She should know, need one too recognize others.
But you never belief her, oh no you are too old to belief
Cause Life tell you more believable story than hers
Live teach you thing or two not her.

Heard them preaching about hell then heaven once
When my old lady got me to the white sack
I stand up at the bench then yell,
“Stop spiting lies” Just show me a real one,
Either heaven or hell is welcome

I’ am Not gonna believe a thing that I never see

When you got to eat dirt on the street cause someone hitting you
There no faith around to help you up, just feet and your fist
When you on your knee on some dark alley cause someone told you too
There no faith around throwing some penny, just you and your ninny

When you are so hungry that make you vomiting blood
When you so tired that you are running
When they say you are too broken to be mend and lock you up
Then beat you up, and eat you up, and break you up again

Then standing there smiling their white teeth,
Saying the old things like...
“…that life is a bitch”,

yeah you know,

Heard the old lady saying it before and not believing it

Now that you knew, you keep saying it over and over on your head
“Life is a bitch. Life is a bitch. Life is a bitch. Life.Is.A.Bitch.”

And that still left a bitter taste on your lips.

Realize that after all of the thing that happen, and now you are learning

“Live is still a bitch!”

Dont ask, Never tell
pain t me over
nyokie2pp
I don’t know. And,
As I said, it doesn’t matter…
Doesn’t matter if I were here all alone,
It doesn’t matter even if you are with her,
I just call to know that you are sound and safe.
Doesn’t matter if I have to wait, staring longingly at the front door
Doesn’t matter that the dinner had gone cold, and you said you are held at work
It doesn’t matter even if you are smelled like her, and work called asking why you wasn’t there today
Doesn’t matter that you never held me like you used too, I’m not cold and shivering, I am not.
Doesn’t matter that we never talked, I afraid that I can’t, talk to you that’s it.
It doesn’t matter that you act like I’m not around, as long as you are around.
It doesn’t matter that I only hold your shirt at night at our bed as you held her at hers.
It doesn’t matter that I cried every time you went to hers, the tears dried the time you came back.
Doesn’t matter that they said he doesn’t love me anymore, and I shouldn’t too.
It doesn’t matter how loud they whisper, doesn’t matter how foolish I looked like.
It doesn’t matter how often you stray, it doesn’t matter how far you go or how long
I just want to be right there, when you are back, -at me- at our home, like you always do.
As I said I don’t know, and I don’t want to know…
It doesn’t matter, As long as, I don’t ask, you will never tell.

Stumble on My own live
pain t me over
nyokie2pp
I am stumble on my own live
Walking blindly, singing sadly

I am falling on the steady ground
No one grab my hand, nobody there

They said my smile is a bitter one
And the tears is going to dried someday
Because the way I’m doing it, somehow.

Everyone seem to think that I’m mourning a loss
I don’t know, because frankly I’m lost

Just want to scream its feel so empty
Kicking around the pain or causing some
Why can I just fall apart or at least done

Does it wrong, do I do it wrong?

When was that? Where were you?
What to do? Tell me how to fix this?

Which way I have to facing?

Will you be there with me?

Would you make the dust and rock rolling from mine?

Would you make my pain fade and blurring out?

Or you gonna stand there and watch me clowning my self?

Are you gonna hold tight and suffocate me?

Are there any you at all

Or it just going on in my own merry la la la land
With all my singing and crying away
I’ am stumble in my own live.

i love you
the afternoon bay
nyokie2pp
"I Love You"

I said while I am standing here at the pier.

Watching,
As you give me your back,
and you're waving at me.

What is this sinking feeling?
As if you are running and fly out of my dimming vision,

What is this churning thing at my gut?

No! Not that I haven’t got my Lunch yet,
Not those, I think it feels worse,
Much much worse...

Like I would see your smile no more,
Like something breaking while you sit under it,
Like stubbing your toes on the cupboard corner,
Like there no water while shampooing,
Like mosquito bite at your heel,
Like, like...
Like losing your last coin on the broken coke machine.

Yes like a bad premonition...
Forget that,
What I mean is... bad notification,
Yes it is...

Bad notification indeed...

Oh shut it!

And here I am,

Blabbering and arguing again,
With my own inner voice,

Your ship is gone,
So does you,
Onto new horizon!
Or so they say.

And I?
I’m turning back,
I have move on,
Well...
I have to,
You already gone.

I’ll look weird standing here all alone,
Waving, smiling, sobbing, talking, sniping
Quoting, drawing, writing, list- ahem

Where are we?

Ah yes...

Move on,
From those chilly afternoon winters sun....
Mmm... You!!
I mean move on from you.

So...

Call me when you're home
And maybe I’ll give you a lift.
Or you me,
Like usual,
Then we can do this all over again......
Okaaaay... me!
It’s me, not we.

And it’s me who doing this inner monologue all over again,

While you are driving me back to town,
Shaking your head,
Smiling,
After indulging me,
In my silly little monologue journey,
And at my imaginations pier also...

That’s way,
I hear you say,

"I Love you too"

Loud and clear,
Without you saying it to me... =)

Down, disappoint, and distant.
pain t me over
nyokie2pp
Down, So angry, don’t say, just cried
Wont smile, it not the time to laugh
There almost no time for that
Keep hating, whirling inside one head
Just keep pouring the pain out
But never let go, rotting inside too
Nothing seem right, no one were.
Hail, Jump on conclusion, judging
Just because someone never show how it feels
Holding on to it just to being disappointed
Doesn’t care and being left alone
Hurting more and more...
Then End up being distant
Heal, forgive, but never forget.

Un-Perceiveness
shhhss...
nyokie2pp
Thinking aloud, remembering
All of those times you said that you are alright
I wonder it might not,
Smile while seeding your tears secretly,
I wonder why, you are doing that
As if you are floating in life and then fading
Dodging question, hiding answer in laughter
Hoping those people would notice
Yet they barely seeing you there at all
I don’t know what hurting you or where
Don’t want to ask the cliché like why
Just have the insight that it not only who
It might the world itself set against you
Or it’s just me growing weary
Not knowing how and when
Then friend,
...Don’t know if I still deserve calling you one...
I see you buried six feet under.